Closer Cold Metal
by StillbornAngel
Summary: Pan/Trunks Like I'm only half in my body. I can't feel. I think I'm already half gone. I can't think. It's getting colder and colder and colder. I can't breathe.


Disclaimer: No, the characters aren't mine.  
  
AN: This is the official translation to the German version ;) Hope you like it troubledsome. Just for you, my dear. *g  
  
Well yeah. About the small poem at the beginning and the end of the (German) fic: I tried to translate it in some degree, but the measure just wouldn't work. Same with the rhyme. So I just left it out at the end. I'm sorry. I suggest you check out the German version if you're able to ^_^  
  
Warnings. Well none. I think. Angst maybe. Just a tiny little bit *laughs. Sorry, that's me.  
  
  
  
On with the fic.  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
Committed to bleak dreams  
  
Between worlds were you born.  
  
Forgotten your wishes  
  
And all hope forlorn.  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
I look down.  
  
Black leaves in the wind, withered and perished. As if they would want to symbolize the development of every creature on earth.  
  
The death of a human being is an inescapable doom, that will catch hold of you sooner or later.  
  
And sometimes I just hope it might be sooner.  
  
Death as a release.  
  
  
  
I laugh.  
  
  
  
Many would laugh at me, if I'd ever come close to tell them, what my thoughts are all about.  
  
Others in turn would look at me strangely. As if they would never put such recondite thoughts past me.  
  
But it isn't really astonishing, actually.  
  
I hardly delivered anyone insight to my soul. To the world which holds my soul.  
  
And the one, whom I did trust, the one ... he just....  
  
I put all my eggs in one basket - and lost my light along the way.  
  
Real life doesn't run like some sweet romantic film.  
  
Dear God, I get the urge to scream.  
  
The urge to run, to get as far away from my own thoughts as possible.  
  
I'm a coward.  
  
Instead of trying to solve my problems I just run away.  
  
  
  
I breathe in deeply and lean back against the long-bygone wall.  
  
  
  
Everything is lost. Fury, anger, shame.  
  
And far the worst: My pride.  
  
  
  
I sigh and slide down the wall slowly. My gaze comes to rest upon a small piece of glass.  
  
  
  
Don't trust, then noone will be able to hurt you.  
  
But not trusting brings pain as well, pain which will never be shared.  
  
Which one is more bitter? Which one is worse?  
  
  
  
I bend my upper part of the body and put my hand forth.  
  
  
  
There's my family. There are my friends. Why am I lonely?  
  
  
  
I observe the thin material between my fingers.  
  
  
  
Is it because none of them understands me or is it the fact that they never even tried to understand?  
  
My life's a lie. I'm an involuntary actor in my own play.  
  
Dreaming of death, a transient hope for eternity with only one purpose. To reveal agony.  
  
  
  
I bring the lustrous object slowly to my wrist, a whiff of blood moulds its path to fuse with the ground almost soundlessly. As I intend to heighten the pressure on my skin I feel the breath that grazes my ear softly, the trembling arms that enclose my body tightly.  
  
  
  
"What value do you attach to your life?" The voice sounds croaky, anxious, desperate.  
  
"Blood is life." My answer is barely a whisper in the wind.  
  
"What value do you attach to your feelings?" The desperation is more audible now.  
  
"Blood is life." I repeat for him.  
  
"How can you displace your pain, the doomed, the irresistible?"  
  
"My blood shows it."  
  
"That you're still alive?" His voice trembles. "Pan, please..."  
  
I turn around to face him with a fitful movement and disengage myself from his embrace.  
  
"Why do you care!"  
  
He lays his hand on my shoulder and I draw back One step. Two.  
  
"Pan..."  
  
"Leave me alone," I whisper.  
  
  
  
I back away further and when I recognize that Trunks is determined to follow me I turn around and run.  
  
Run from my problems again.  
  
"Pan!!"  
  
  
  
Embrace me and lose your hold of me in the very next moment.  
  
I will stand, trembling and yearning for your touch.  
  
But at what price.  
  
It was my will, that pulled me through it all.  
  
But will isn't the only thing now.  
  
The urge exists. Deathless and acceding.  
  
To end the pain, to feel at peace, if only for a short time.  
  
To feel the inner balance yourself.  
  
To drift away. Without sense or goal.  
  
No thoughts. No words. Just oneself.  
  
Ensnared by red blossoms of a rose, which mingle with the chilly breath of - the wind.  
  
The metallic tang combined with the sweetish flavor.  
  
Breathe in deeply.  
  
Do you feel it?  
  
Do you feel the solution?  
  
  
  
---------- And my life is caught up in a mawkish mist of red. ----------  
  
  
  
____________________________________________________________________  
  
I hope you liked it. Please make me happy by reviewing ^_^  
  
I'd appreciate it very much. 


End file.
